Shaquille O039Neal - Shaq Diesel (11 tracks) +Album Reviews +Used CD available for Swap

This would be the soundtrack in Hell, if it wasn't so funny!

Scott D. Gribble | Baltimore MD | 02/07/2005

(1 out of 5 stars)

"About a year ago seeing this on sale for 50 cents, I just could not resist. Listening to "Shaw Diesel" you'll notice many problems in general, but there's one basic problem with Shaq's rapping. It's not like he can't carry a decent flow, and his voice ain't that bad either. It's his unexplainable use of corny, cheesy and flat out ridiculous lyrics. Although it's the best athlete/rapper album I've herd (not including the unreleased Allen Iverson album), it's still really bad...

"(I Know I Got) Skills"... it's actually got a pretty good beat, like a g-funk style. Def Jeff even comes across well. Probably the best tracks actually. (Note: that's a relative statement) Favorite Shaq line: "(yeah, but what about rhymin?) I can hold my own/ knick-knack shaq-attack, give a dog a bone/rhymin is like hoopin', I'm already a legend/back in the days in the food stamp section/used to kick rhymes like baby, baby, baby/every once, every twice, three times a lady" and of course "booty rappers, stay booty.... Ah ha ha ha ha.. psyche!"

"Outstanding" not a bad beat, some pretty nice samples by... Holy crap Eric Sermon! THE Eric Sermon of EPMD, how the hell did he get mixed up in this. Actually a solid track, certainly not outstanding, but Shaq stays away from the ultra cheesy raps and settles for merely shameful. Favorite Shaq line: "Cause there's some things that I gotta' do: /Tape up the ankle, pump up my Shaq-shoe"

"Where Ya At?" how did the Tribe sink to this level?!? Horrid beat by Ali Shaheed. Phife's skills are even lowered down to Shaq's level (`pissing and a farting" why Phife? What did Jive Records buy out your soul from Satan?). The chorus is beyond annoying, the tag-team rhyming between the two is faintly reminiscent of two dogs barking. Favorite Shaq line "I got mad styles you better sit and watch/I can kick it like ahee-heee then I'll grab my crotch." (Did he actually imitate a high pitched Michael Jackson scream??? ... priceless)

"I Hate to Brag" this beat is awful, this song is horrible every line is him bragging... but it's got some of the best lines! Favorite Shaq line: "I can flow like pee, coming out you know what/Or some ookey diarrhea coming out yo butt" (read that again, yes that is typed verbatim... you just can't make this stuff up). 2nd Favorite Shaq line: "Watch out the funky hooper/I uh er-heh er-heh, sorry I made a pooper."

"Let Me In, Let Me In" oh my... sweet Moses Malone my ears are literally bleeding. Eric Sermon what the $*#@!!!! Favorite Shaq line: the chorus goes "(Shaquille, let me in let me in)/ Not by the hairs on my chiny chin chin" (plus we have an unprecedented second Michael Jackson scream on this one).

"Shoot Pass Slam" Good news! Eric decides to sample "Tarzan" here! Short of listing the entire song, I just can't put down the number of hilarious lines. Favorite Shaq lines: "I leave a bad taste in your mouth, like boogers in coffee" (??!!?!?!); "Ally ally ally ally bama/go tell your pops and your momma/ that Shaq is the man, period comma"; "I'm a rookie, Clint Eastwood, Martin Sheen/ AHHHH, leave me alone I'm turning green!" (After listening to this song and being able to actually recite the lyrics on the first listen I defiantly questioned my existence).

"Boom!" Shaq has brainwashed me so bad at this point that the sounds of the Fu-Schnickens was so refreshing to my ears, it was like hearing a long lost Biggie Tupac duet for the first time. Then reality sunk back in as Shaq rips lines like "I'm about to rip it to sheds, no smithereens/Eat you like a sandwich (what kind??) SUBMARINES!!!" (Danngg!! You got served! But wait he follows it with) "Put on some lettuce, tomato & tom-a-toe/ I'm the Dick Bravado/ Got 60 Mil, I won the lotto."

"Roughneck" sounds like a reject beat from a GZA album, and that's being kind. Oh wait I just noticed Shaq uses 2 of the same lines on this album TWICE - back to back no less! "I smoke-smoke the mic-mic like Cheech-Cheech and Chong" & "ask Ed Lover & Doctor Dre who's the man" He's already used both earlier in the album, although I'm afraid to go back and find out which ones.

"Giggin' On Em" Someone forgot to tell Phife "just go home and save your dignity". Instead we've got him on this track sounding like a retarded Beenie Man. Oh but he comes back to save the day as he actually stops Shaq mid rhyme and tells him not to even do a 3rd verse!! Unfortunately, he has the bright idea to tell the Diesel "Just let all those people know all the fellas and peoples you Gigged on." Shaq starts his boasting list of people he gigged on with three dominate forces in the NBA: Greg Anthony, Alvin Robertson, & Manute Bol!! After an album full of Shawn Kemp, Laettner (teammates now! I wonder how their conversations go in the locker room), and ZO disses, I can't tell you how hard I laughed when I herd this line-up. Pure genius, this whole album is a gold mine of pure hilarity.

"What's Up Doc?" The album single (cough cough) ends the album on a high note. What a great song only capped off by Shaq's climatic verse: "Now who's the first pick? me, word is born and/ Not a Christean Laettner, not Alonzo Mourning/ That's okay, not being bragadocious/ Supercalifragelistic, Shaq is alidocious" (What does that even mean!!! What a great way to close out the album: On top of his game like Michael Jordan on the Wizards)

Wow, after listening to that again, it's worse than I remembered it or could have ever hoped for. This might be the most hilarious album you'll ever listened too, and there's so much more than what's been said, I'm more than happy with my purchase. Right now you can get it like new for 0.01 dollars!! Trust me it's worth every penny!!"

This isn't Rap, it's Comedy.

Dylan | Portland, OR USA | 02/11/2000

(1 out of 5 stars)

"Normally I am pretty forgiving for horrible recordings. This time I'm not. No matter how you look at it, Shaq can not rap. Most of the time I don't know what the hell he is talking about. People that don't know anything about rap or who have never listened to rap before might think that he has "got skillz", but anyone who knows better will probably feel the same way I do. Frankly, his free-throws are better then his rap."

Worse than his free throws

Scott D. Gribble | 06/12/2002

(1 out of 5 stars)

"this is so stupid it's funny. it's so bad not even his family would buy it. but if you think this is bad you should watch his movie Kazaam. at least in Shaq Diesel you don't have to watch him act stupid."

Shaq of All Trades, Master of One.

robthompson43 | Memphis, TN USA | 08/21/2001

(2 out of 5 stars)

"Shaq is talented. He is an incredible basketball player - clearly the most dominant in the league - a savvy businessman, not a bad writer and a decent entertainer, but I cannot in good conscience give his music much acclaim.With that said, I will concede that songs on this album like (I Know I Got) Skillz and Shoot Pass Slam, while HEAVY on the boasting, are entertaining. I mean, do you want Shaq to shoot? NO! Do you want Shaq to pass? NO! Do you want Shaq to slam? YEAH! I just wonder if his team and league-mates have the gumption to make fun of him for lyrics like this.I am not Shaq bashing. After reading his autobiography, I am actually really impressed with the man Shaq has become. We did watch him grow up in the limelight after all, and he has adjusted quite well. His rap, on the otherhand, is, despite at least five albums, sophmoric, almost ubiquitously fitting the mo bass mo better mold that Shaq has a prediliction towards. Don't get me wrong, there are worse rappers out there and Shaq IS entertaining.I do question, however, the decision to release a "Best of" CD. Using your name to go platinum does not a "Best of" compilation make. Nevertheless, the one can't miss song on this album is his pairing with the one-hit wonders Fu-Schnickens, What's up Doc? (Can We Rock). It is, undeniably, a party anthem!Bottomline: Entertaining, but not art. Shaq is a master of the court, but maybe with more practice, a great rapper he will become. Hey, Rome wasn't built in a day!"

Clean Out Your Ears {2 Stars}

Norfeest | Washington DC USA | 03/20/2007

(2 out of 5 stars)

"There really isn't much to these 4 and 5 star reviews. The reasons are usually nostalgic or have something to do with the beats. If you weren't a kid when this dropped, then you probably hated this album from day one. You'll notice that the reviews praising this album never cover the one issue that makes this album wack: the lyrics. This album is wack. Period. On the opening track (and 1st single) Shaq stumbles out of the gate with lines like:

"I dribble rhymes like basketballems (?)/ People call me E.T. (What's That Shaq Man?)/ Extra Tallems..."

and on I Hate 2 Brag (one of the worst songs on the album) he lays eggs like:

"I can flow like pee comin' out ya know what/ or some doo*** dia**** comin' out ya bu**..."

"I'm the lord of the underground dunk funk/ treat me like a big kriss kross/ you better jump punk..."

"I'm cool like a breez/ I'm finished rappin'/ no autographs please..."

And he says "I smoke smoke the mic mic like Cheech Cheech and Chong Chong" at least 5 times on this album...sometimes more than once in the same song.

If you think this album is dope, you have no clue what good rap music is supposed to sound like. You could try and pass this off as an artist that doesn't take himself too seriously, but the lyrics are on par with Vanilla Ice's. No, seriously, they are.

Also, in response to another reviewer, this album came out in '93. Gangsta rap was already the big thing (The Chronic ('92) and Doggystyle ('93) had been released by the time this album came out). That still doesn't excuse this wack album though. And, yes, Shaq should be banned from the recording booth. He showed improvement on later releases, but not much. This album actually gets worse after repeated listens. You'll find yourself chuckling, or cracking up, when you hear some of these lines that he kicks.

Are the beats dope? No question. That's why this album gets 2 stars for the beats alone. Def Jef, Ali Shaheed Muhammad, Erick Sermon, and K-Cut (Main Source) all contribute some excellent tracks. There are some tracks where the beat is so dope that it's hard not to start nodding -- despite the "emcee" on the song -- Erick Sermon's "Shoot Pass Slam" & "I'm Outstanding" or Ali Shaheed Muhammad's "Where Ya At?" for example. With all that being said, when I list a standout track, it's solely for the beats or guest appearances on that particular song. Lyrically, the only decent track on the album is also one of the corniest -- Boom feat. Fu Schnickens -- and that's because the Fu Schnickens rock the mic. The Schnicks do their thing over a thumping Erick Sermon track.

The only thing keeping this album from being a total drink coaster is the production and the guest shots. No, scratch that, it stinks. Straight up. When a really rich athlete gets bored, decides to try his hand at rap, hires some of the best producers out at the moment, and decides to pen his own lyrics, the end result (9 times out of 10) is going to be something like the Shaq Diesel LP.....the most unintentionally funny album on this planet. A good laugh is all this CD is good for. A least Kobe had the good sense to scrap his attempt at an album. I recommend steering clear of this album. You'll thank me for it.

Standout Tracks: Where Ya At? feat. Phife Dawg, (I Know I Got) Skillz feat. Def Jef, Shoot Pass Slam, I'm Outstanding, and Boom feat. Fu-Schnickens & Erick Sermon"

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