Search - Martin Gordon :: How Am I Doing So Far

Drawn from Gordon's first three solo releases in an effort to develop increased mammal awareness among higher mammals (and invertebrates), this collection provides a welcoming, lo-cal, reduced fat, whole-grain, sun-dried, eco-friendly, non-judgemental first step into Martin Gordon's world. (The CD was manufactured in China by condemned convicts). For the benefit of those who have so far resisted the lure of Gordon's work, nasty and irritating material has been removed from this release. `Fags', for example, with its smutty double-entendres designed only to confuse Americans, `The Joy of More Hogwash' with its guitar solo in 15:16, aimed at making French people fall over, `Let's Make Money' with its critique of capitalism followed by, of all things, a bass solo - what was he thinking of? These and other equally unsavoury efforts are absent. They have in fact been rapped smartly around the knuckles and had better buck their ideas up or else. In these teen-friendly proceedings, almost no musicianship is to be heard; we feature the first drum programming that appeared when we pressed the 'on' button and also many preset chord patterns and pre-sampled vocals. Lyrics? Don't worry, there is almost no meaning to any of them and where there is, they are frequently interrupted by burglars asking if they can be heard and telling us that they are currently 'on the mike'. What a hoot! So there's absolutely nothing to be concerned about here. Just put the CD on the phonograph, check the stylus and your makeup, roll up the trousers, hand the valuables to the mugger, sign over the deeds of the house to the bank and settle down for a long night of blithering stupidity. What more could an evolved higher mammal ask for? Well, if you've made it this far, we should point out that there are also four unreleased tunes included here - one that was meant for Baboon, one that was designed for Hogwash, a prototype and a remix. (As you may know, we met a young person in the street once). We think this is rather good. We think that a lot of other stuff is not up to much. We think a lot of things, actually, but that's neither here nor there. We hope you enjoy this record! If not, you can, as noted elsewhere, submerge it for ten minutes in boiling water and then pound to a smooth paste, adding tumeric, rocket, racket, cricket, polenta, mole extract and ariba to taste. We cannot guarantee the edibility of the result but at least the CD will be unplayable. And now - bon voyage and good luck to all who sail in you!