Search - Jesse Jaymes :: Thirty Footer in Your Face

The most influential album of all time

Robert P. Palmer, Jr. | Providence, RI | 08/26/2004

(5 out of 5 stars)

"Of all the early 90's white rappers with long, blond, curly hair Jesse Jaymes (or as all of his true fans refer to him "JJ") is unquestionably the best that there was, is and ever will be. His fearless and brutal lyrics bridge the ethnic gap between him and other artists in his genre.



In "Shake it like a white girl" JJ tells us of his affinity for Caucasian booty. He fearlessly describes taking a white girl named Rita to a "Party around the way". We know that this was risky since Rita was white and a "fly cheerleader" no less. Clearly it would be hard for her to fit in at this party around the way. However since "Rita knew how...to shake it like a white girl", she is able to use the power of dance to fit in and earn respect.



In "Fifty-Five Dollar Motel" JJ shows his grasp of irony. The song opens with S Jesse's girl Jasmine leaving for a trip out of town. JJ, undoubtedly feeling those carnal urges that we all experience from time to time decides that he "...in the mood to fool around". He procures a date with a girl named Cassie, who like JJ is also in the mood to "do the nasty". Jesse however cannot think of a place for this rendezvous, sadly his place is not possible "because his moms was home", and Cassie's place is unavailable because they "couldn't be alone". After ruling out some other places JJ remembers that there is an Inn in town that only charges $55.00 for a night's stay. After arriving at this Inn a passionate night of love-making ensues, Cassie at one point even does a cheer for JJ screaming, "Jesse, Jesse sis-boom-ba". After this love-making is finished JJ and Cassie are understandably tired and wish to sleep. However "the couple next door were making a ruckus", JJ is unable to sleep and asks the couple to keep the noise down. This proves ineffective and the couple continue to make love quite boisterously. JJ realizes that the female in the next room sounds familiar, and to his horror discovers that it is in fact Jasmine next door. Ever the poet JJ describes this irony with the unforgettable line, "Yo, I got played".



JJ shows his social awareness when he explores the evils of gambling on "Dave The Bookie". JJ apparently "had crazy bills and the money was tight". This is understandable because JJ never sold out to corporate America by signing with a huge record label, he always knew that he would find success based on his undeniable and unequaled talent. JJ decides that the only way to make money is to place a bet on a football game with his Bookie, Dave. Sadly JJ's team (San Fran) loses when "Monatna got picked by a Tampa Bay Rookie". JJ now owing $5,000 to his Bookie, on top of his apparently substantial debt decides to go double or nothing. He bets on a Basketball game, but this too back fires when Patrick Ewing misses 2 free-throws at the end of the game that would have won the game. This causes JJ to get sick in a drinking establishment on Broadway, or as JJ so poetically puts it, "he missed foul shots, so I blew my cookies". JJ, now owing Dave $10,000 decides to go to Las Vegas and try and win his money back. While at the Mirage hotel JJ gets hot at the Black Jack Table and wins all $10,000 back. However, JJ's greed gets the best of him and realizing that he can apparently live off of this $10,000, he keeps the money and goes on the run from Dave.



JJ's undisputed opus is "College Girls are Easy". The song is so well known that almost no dance club has it on their play list for fear that they will have to play it multiple times in an evening and embarrass other artists whose work quite frankly cannot compare to JJ's. The is one of the most socially relevant songs ever written, accurately portraying the life of many college girls throughout the country. Any explanation of the song cannot do it justice, so I will let this piece of art stand on its own.



There will never be an artist quite like JJ, he could "get a party going in a minute or less". Hopefully one day JJ will feel the need to unleash his immense talent once again upon the world. Until the we have this masterpiece to listen to over, and over, and over.

"